Man-Size (man_size) wrote,

Pushing today to tomorrow

Ever lose a day?

No matter what you had planned or dreamed, somehow that day got away from you and you had nothing to show for it.

It's not that we shouldn't be allowed to squander. I just can't stand wasting a day. Time is our most precious commodity.

If losing a day meant doing something you don't often get to do; adventure, discover, or spending it somewhere rejuvenating your soul, I could live with the crime of blowing a deadline or pushing today to tomorrow. But I cannot reconcile a 24 hour cycle where I meandered, stared into the void, removed window lint with the tip of my index finger.

When those days occur, I experience a crisis of confidence. Imposter syndrome. I'm paralyzed by the inertia of anxiety and indifference.

But then I wonder if those kinds of days are supposed to happen. Supposed to paralyze you; force your mind and body into silence and inaction. Stop you from crashing. Reboot your system. Refuel your engine. Oxygenate your blood in preparation for all the proactive days and nights to come.

Despite how super disciplined I was in 2020, maybe it was a coping mechanism? Duck and cover. I was hiding out in my comport zone of creativity to stave off the horrors of a global pandemic.

But, it's the little things, right? Flipping through an old comic book. Watching a rerun. Toasting a pop tart. Talking on the phone...

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