Man-Size (man_size) wrote,

Tofu Scramble recipe

I must preface this vegetarian recipe I'm about to furnish you with the fact that I'm a meat eater. However, I couldn't personally kill an animal to eat it unless it was for survival purposes. I'm a wimp when it comes to murder. Hell, I can't even crush a cockroach. I usually coax cockroaches onto a paper napkin or my hand and throw them out the nearest window while shouting "Fly, pelican fly!"

Here is my recipe for what I dub the "Jen Ferguson Tofu Scramble." Jen loves my tofu scramble.


One brick of extra firm tofu
Six stalks of bok choy
A handful of scallions
One twig of fresh ginger
One jalapeno
Teriyaki sauce
Salt & Pepper
Sriracha sauce (optional)


One wok
One strainer
Two cups
One knife
One cutting board
One pair of tongs
One large spoon


Spark the rice in the rice cooker. I like white rice. Others dig brown rice. The whole meal should be prepared and cooked by the time the rice is ready. Approx 15-minutes?

Rinse clean the bok choy, jalapeno and scallions. Chop off the base of the bok choy and then evenly cut the stalks and leaves into equal half-inch pieces and place them into a strainer. Chop up the scallions and dice up the jalapeno and put them together into a side cup. Skin and thinly slice half a twig of ginger and put that into another side cup. Spark a fire under the wok and put some butter and oil into it until she heats up and starts to bubble. Dump the chopped up bok choy into the wok and sprinkle some salt and pepper onto it. Flip and stir the bok choy with your tongs and then let it sit and fry a little while you evenly cut up the brick of firm tofu into equal sized squares, no bigger than half-an-inch.

Once the bok choy looks half-way cooked, tip and drip the excess water from the wok into the sink without losing the food and then slide the tofu off the cutting board and into the wok and mix the beige with the green. Let that stew a minute over the fire and then add the scallions, jalapeno and ginger, and liberally pour some Teriyaki sauce over the entire contents but don't drown it. Trust the flavors of the fresh spices over the sugar in the Teriyaki sauce. Let it stew a few minutes and the rice should be ready.

Turn off the flame off and scoop a small hill of rice onto your lovers plate and caress the rest of the dome with a mountain of tofu scramble. Offer Sriracha sauce on the side. If you did it right, it won't need any Sriracha sauce. Watch a feature-length film or two episodes of your latest favorite TV show and let the gas flow from your bodies. For dessert, warm up the lava lamp during pillow talk before killing the lights and switch the radio to something ambient.

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